OVERCOMING SELF-DOUBT.

Back in 1978, psychologists Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes first identified something known as ‘Imposter Syndrome’ (sometimes referred to as Imposter Phenomenon).

If you haven’t heard of it already, this theory basically relates to the irrational feelings and niggly thoughts in your head that tell you that; you aren’t quite good enough, you don’t really belong in your role, or that you’ve only been successful due to sheer good luck (rather than through your own talents or grit) – sucks, right?!

It’s been studied a lot since the original findings, and after multiple reviews it’s thought that Imposter Syndrome affects as many as 70% of people throughout their lifetime. Whilst it can affect people of all career types, genders, and backgrounds, it was originally noted by Clance & Imes that it was, in fact, more prevalent among women (they actually thought that it was unique to women, but have since withdrawn that theory).

After experiencing these feelings myself, and after hearing it come up time-and-time again during consultancy calls and chats with friends, I can’t say that I was too surprised to learn that it seemed to affect working women more.

In fact, I’ve come across it so often that I’ve begun to make a few good guesses myself as to why self-doubt may be such a common trend among women – especially those who are self-employed and work in the property/creative industry.

Like anything psychological, I think you can only truly solve a problem by getting to the root cause of it and facing it head on – so let’s dig deep!

Here are a few reasons why I think we might naturally struggle with Imposter Syndrome and self-doubt:

1. We employed ourselves
When we ‘applied’ to our role, we weren’t chosen by a panel of corporate judges from a lineup of amazing and talented candidates. When we chose to go self-employed we did so with little-to-no experience or skills, and without the knowledge that we were even the right fit for the job.

Whilst this may have taken immense courage in the beginning, this can quickly be clouded by self-doubt and feelings that we are ‘frauds’ – simply because we carved our own career paths.

2. Society’s view
Don’t get me wrong here, I know that things are constantly shifting and so many positive influential changes have happened over the years – but I do think that our wider society still has a bit of work to do when it comes to totally ridding itself of its somewhat old-fashioned and stereotypical views of working women.

If you’re shocked to see a woman confidently command a team of tradesmen or get their hands dirty on a building site – hell, even if you find it ‘impressive’ that a woman can run a successful business that financially supports her family – then I think there’s still a little bit of work to be done here.

Personally, I’m lucky enough to be surrounded with amazing, supportive, and totally modern men who only ever help to advocate for their female peers but, I totally get how some women may find it hard to own their place as a property developer if the people around them make them feel like they shouldn’t really be there in the first place.

3. The cobwebs of maternity leave
There’s nothing like a year out of ‘real life’ (or less, if you’re a super-human mum!),  full of changing nappies, teething troubles, and sleepless nights, to knock your self-confidence. The time spent away from all things business, absorbed in an alternate kind of work, might leave you feeling out-of-touch, uninspired, and doubting if you were actually any good to begin with!

4. Pesky hormones
Somewhat related to the above, but hormones (pre-baby, post-baby, and even no babies!) can do a really good job of negatively impacting our mood and self-confidence. It’s important that we acknowledge that not everything we feel is always within our control as women. Pay attention to your body and your mind, and how this impacts your confidence, energy, and stress levels.

5. Lack of support network
There’s no getting around it, being self-employed can be lonely and isolating. When you’ve got no team or management rallying around you to cheer on your wins, talk through your losses, or bounce ideas off – you’re left to work through everything alone. Being self-employed means that you have to be your biggest fan, and it also means that you’ll inevitably be your biggest critic when things go wrong.

6. Male dominated industry
As a new female property developer, working in a seemingly predominantly male industry, it’s hard not to feel like an imposter simply because of your biology alone. Feeling like you don’t belong, or that there’s not a defined place for you, amongst more confident and ‘traditionally successful’ male developers, can be a reason why some women sadly won’t even take the leap into the property world.

7. Competitive industry
In this competitive and heavily saturated industry, it can be really easy to feel lost in the crowd, and even unworthy of competing at all. At the end of the day we’re all battling for our own spot, and the competitive environment doesn’t come naturally to everyone.

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Whatever the reason may be for why Imposter Syndrome exists in the first place, it’s just important that you know that it can be absolutely normal to feel this type of self-doubt at some stage in your profession. Life can throw so many things at us sometimes, and our confidence is bound to take a hit now and again.

It’s all about those small everyday techniques that you can use to work around those negative thoughts and learn to build up your confidence levels.

Here are some ways we can overcome imposter syndrome:‍‍

Overcome perfectionism.

‍As creatives and business women, it’s really hard to overcome perfectionism (trust me, I know!). Whilst on one-hand the perfectionist trait helps us to create amazing pieces of work, keeps us on our toes, and ensures our quality/standards are kept high – it can also be incredibly obsessive and destructive.

When we set ridiculously high expectations and standards for ourselves, it’s very likely that we’ll fail to reach them (or fail to hit the mark), and in turn we end up upsetting ourselves or letting our confidence take a hit. Putting too much pressure on yourself in too many areas of your business is just asking for trouble – especially if you have the tendency to feel defeated if you let things slip.

It’s not to say that you should avoid having goals or expectations of yourself at all – because these are vital to success and confidence-building too – but, it’s all about making them more manageable and realistic. It’s also about allowing ourselves the freedom to fail at, and not reach, those goals – knowing that if we do, it doesn’t make us any less successful or ‘good at our job’.

Learn from your failures, and move on.

As mentioned above, you’ll most likely fail at some point during your career – but, it’s how you move passed those failures that really matters. After all, failing doesn’t make you a failure.

‍When we feel those pangs of disappointment and failure, our natural response is to question our own abilities and to obsess over the choices that led to the mistake – in some cases, we may even avoid taking similar risks, or dealing with similar situations, in the future.

For me, this is something I can definitely relate to and that often triggered my own self-doubt. Before my property career I actually ran a business in a very different industry, it wasn’t a ‘failure’ as such, but the success definitely didn’t live up to my expectations and I allowed myself to carry that self-doubt into my property business, letting it impact my risk-taking and decision-making in the very early days.

This whole experience taught me just how important it is to settle any past anxieties like this, the sooner the better, taking the important lessons from it and then leaving it firmly in the past. If you don’t move past your failures, the fear of making a wrong move will stop you from playing the game at all.

I’ve since had many more knock-backs and bumps in the road – from losing huge business deals, to missing out on being on national TV – but each time I got back up, dusted myself off, and focused on what I am good at. It’s not easy at times, but the very best thing you can do for your self-confidence is to keep moving forward.

Celebrate the small wins, and #bekind to yourself.

Learn to give yourself credit where credit is due! Celebrate the small wins as big victories, and take note of when you’re proud of yourself and your accomplishments.

Imposter Syndrome is a lot about putting yourself down and beating yourself up. By replacing the negative thoughts and feelings with more positive affirmations and praise, you’ll soon see a huge change in the way that you view yourself and your capabilities.

We tell ourselves we are great everyday. We watch out for the words we use when talking about ourselves and tell each other off if we speak negatively. We celebrate all wins, even the small things, to show to ourselves that we are progressing every day – that builds self confidence. Therapy is also a path to use, to get to the root of those ‘not good enough’ issues!

– Bee, BeeVee Property

Don't wait until you're 'ready'.

Before offering my consultancy services and launching The Hive, I was so nervous at the thought of offering my advice and support to other people. Despite my proven business success and the wealth of knowledge that I knew deep-down I had to offer, it didn’t stop me questioning; my abilities, the need for the service, or even if anyone would book with me at all (hello, Imposter Syndrome!).

The minute I announced the service, I was inundated with responses and bookings and all those fears and self-doubts vanished in an instance – I was left wondering why I ever doubted myself in the first place!

Imposter Syndrome often makes people think that they have to be THE expert, or the most confident, in something before they can take that next step in their career, but it’s not always the case. If you keep waiting until you feel ready, you’ll probably never get there. Whatever it is you want to do in your business, take the leap of faith and go for it. Feel the fear, and do it anyway.

A book I read about 6 years ago – ‘Feel the fear and do it anyway’, helped with confidence to make a jump and do something different.  I bought my first flip project, realised there was so much more to property than I knew about, and started my business from there, learning and building confidence along the way.

– Clair, Blue Sky Spaces

You don't always have to know it all.

You don’t always have to know everything. Training, certifications, and credentials look great on paper, but they don’t necessarily make you good at what you do, so don’t put too much pressure on these types of things. Be comfortable learning as you go.

Don’t let yourself be fooled into thinking you have to keep up with every relevant course going – you could end up spending an awful lot of money chasing credentials from so-called ‘pros’ and you still won’t feel anymore confident in your abilities at the end of it.

Instead, do your homework and invest wisely in good-quality support and targeted education that will aid your business growth and help bridge any gaps in your understanding and knowledge. Why waste your hard-earned money to simply fit in with the crowd, when you could be levelling up your unique business with a mentor or a community?

When I started out in my career, I had mentors who helped me with their experience – both male and females.  When I moved into more senior positions I remember having a coach, who helped me massively in bringing my skills and confidence out – and since then I’ve used books and podcasts to help continue to develop overall – which helps in confidence.  If I’m not feeling confident because I’m unsure of how to do something, I’ll research that area, to help build confidence to do it.

– Clair, Blue Sky Spaces

Talk to the people who 'get it'.

You need to be surrounding yourself with people who ‘get it’. When you’re feeling unsure, when you’re doubting your abilities, when you’re at a loss of which direction to take your business in, you really ought to be talking to people who have been through similar experiences and who know exactly how you feel.

A strong support network is the most important thing for your wellbeing and your confidence. When you lack confidence in yourself, they will usually be the ones to reinstall it.

How do I know this? Because I've witness it on a weekly basis inside The Hive Members Club Slack channel, on Instagram, and through the different mentoring groups I host! There is truly nothing better than seeing someone’s confidence blossom, as they begin to make positive changes through guided support and encouragement.

Don't compare your beginnings to someone else's end.

The worst thing you can do if you’re struggling with self-confidence is to compare yourself to others. What is it that they say again? “Comparison is the thief of joy”.

There will always be someone who is better or more accomplished than you. There will always be a concept that you wish you had thought of, or someone who got the gig that you wanted. And it’s okay to be encouraged and inspired by another’s success (and maybe even it’s okay to have some healthy jealousy!) but another’s accomplishments do not diminish your own.

There is room for all of us in this industry, and especially for you, you’ve just got to #OWNIT

I think it took me over 3 years to actually introduce myself as a property developer!  I probably felt a bit of imposter syndrome as I was building my business and felt I somehow needed to ‘prove’ myself over a period of time – this may have come from comparing myself with other investors in magazines, however I have definitely learnt that things aren’t always what they seem!

– Clair, Blue Sky Spaces

When you're out the other side, use your voice!

Just as it’s important for us to overcome self-doubt, it’s also important for us to help others do the same too!

Emma makes a really great point below about using our platforms and voices to better support each other. It really can feel uncomfortable sometimes to publicly share your wins – trying to ensure you don’t come across egotistical, boastful, or insensitive. But if your hearts in the right place, and you have something genuine to share… just DO YOU and share it!

When I started in the industry 9 years ago, there were hardly any women in property and very few role models. Over the past couple of years, as social media has grown more, ladies are becoming visible which is great for the future of the industry. I do think however that women don’t like to shout about their successes as much as men but, if we want to grow the numbers of ladies in the industry we must become more comfortable sharing our experiences and wins.

– Emma, IKON Property

Be bold, be brave, and show them what you’re made of! ✌🏻⚡️

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